Defeated. Almost. Let me explain…
Whilst pootling about on Ravelry a few months ago in a quest to find crochet cardigan patterns that didn’t scream aged hippy, I came across this number:
It’s essentially two granny square hexagons that one folds and joins along the back and the top of the sleeves. Use a chunky wool, a large crochet hook and away you go. “Marvellous,” I thought, “summer’s coming so I’ll whip this up in a cotton in no time.” I had the yarn in mind. Hoopla Yarns are made from the selvedge of T-shirt jersey, the off-cuts that the garment industry would normally toss away. Socially, economically and environmentally conscientious, Hoopla eases many facets of bourgeois guilt. In addition, there’s a veritable cornucopia of colours to choose from and at a ginoromous1 cm in width this was the cotton answer to my granny hexagon cardigan.
And what ambitions I had for this cardie. I’d make it in an afternoon and sport it the next day. My magnificent cardigan and I would be the focus of fashion bloggers' attentions and the source of envious sighs amongst magazine editors the world over.
Anna Wintour eat your heart out.
Or so I thought. Having picked out two bobbins-worth of a stunning turquoisy green and armed with a 20mm crochet hook I began. About 5 rows in however it became apparent all was not well. A visitor’s query confirmed my suspicion: “Is that a tea cosy or a coaster you’re making?”
Clearly the drapey and light effect I had hoped for was not materialising. A couple more dogged rows later, I realized that this yarn was waaaayyyy to heavy for the pattern. Urgh. I frogged this miserable attempt and rewound the yarn about the bobbins and pondered.
Had a piece of cake and some tea.
And pondered before an almighty bolt of Divine Inspiration struck.
I would make a cushion cover with my Hoopla Yarn. A robust, greenish cushion cover that goes with absolutely NOTHING in my house, but a cushion cover nonetheless. In a sort of cake induced, almost Delphic reverie, I went out and purchased a feather-filled cushion pad around which I would craft a cushion cover without parallel.
And here’s the result.
Gawd awful, n’est pas?
There’s no denying it is without parallel. It is arguably an abomination of soft furnishing beyond compare.
The cushion pad is now in The Cupboard of Pending Projects, the Hoopla bobbins restored to an almost virgin state and the cushion cover is no more.
I finally visited the Hoopla Yarn website in the hope of finding a pattern. I wait patiently for a free one to come wending its way into my inbox. Such a virtuous and gloriously coloured yarn must not be stashed away for long and demands a suitably worthy design to show off its magnificence.
I’ll report back when I find such a design but if you want to help me on my way with suggestions, do feel free to tell me.
Until then, what’s the moral of the story? In two words: tension square